I bet he comes in French.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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