I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
