Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
