Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
