The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize