he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
