Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
