Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
