If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize