So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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