You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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