take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize