My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
