tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
