You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
