I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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