is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
