The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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