We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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