everyone is single if you try hard enough
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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