I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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