As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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