the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
