***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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