I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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