ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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