We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
