Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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