They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
