I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
