Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
handjob tips. give me some.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
