so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
