someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I puked a lego.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
