HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
