I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
