you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
