when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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