no, he came in my armpit
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
