You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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