Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
