i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Can you bring me the toilet please
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
