I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
