A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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