did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
we made out on top of his cat.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
