You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
