fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
