i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize