Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
