OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Pooping to opera.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize