I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
third nipple confirmed
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Randomize
