Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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