We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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