I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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