You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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