new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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