took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
