im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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