I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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