Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
