How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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