Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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