So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
