Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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