Jerry, you need to find god
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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