one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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