Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
