i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
