help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
