You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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