Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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