someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
