Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
